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Finding The Elusive Positives, #NANOWRIMO & #WriteMotivation

My husband has always told me, everything happens for a reason. Growing up Catholic, I was always told "God has a plan". We are impatient beings. We want to know everything NOW. But that's not God's timing. It's not destiny's timing. It's not The Fate's timing. Whatever you believe, there is a plan, a reason, and just because you may not see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. I struggle with this EVERY SINGLE DAY!If anyone knows me, they know I’m a strong believer in positive thinking to achieve a healthy outlook on whatever ails you. It is the hardest thing some of us will ever do in our lives.

Right now, I’ve been struggling. When you see your love struggle day after day and lose their hope, when you can’t find any way to help them see any sense of positive, of hope, then you start to lose your own.

That’s where I am.

This post is very hard for me. Doing anything other than exist, lately, has been hard. I just want to crawl away inside my books and stay there. Life is so much more interesting, sometimes even easier, in paper (digital print).

Growing up Catholic, I was always told “God has a plan”.  My husband has always told me, everything happens for a reason. We are impatient beings. We want to know everything NOW. But that’s not God’s timing. It’s not Destiny’s timing. It’s not even The Fate’s timing. Whatever you believe, there is a plan, a reason, and just because you may not see it right the second you want to see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

I struggle with this EVERY SINGLE DAY!

I also struggle with opening up to someone, anyone, about my problems. Where I am always the one who goes out of my way to offer my assistance to anyone in need, lend them my ear, my shoulder, my heart, I always feel a burden to anyone when it comes to my problems. This stems from a deep seeded issue, I know. Something that happened to me over and over again growing up. I fear it will never leave me. My only outlet seems to be writing and this blog (though, even writing on this blog I cannot force myself to open completely, show you how vulnerable and down I really am).

Still looking for someone like this. :P I say that to find someone like this, you have to BE someone like this.

I say that to find someone like this, you have to BE someone like this.

I saw this quote today, and I’ve always desired this. The visions of, or the ideal images of, certain things always seems to be so different in our minds than in reality. So, rather than looking, I AM this person…for any one who needs me.

As for my writing. Well, it is sort of suffering and sort of not. When I could muster the mental energy and desire, I managed to write up a whole back story to my new shiny WIP. I now know where I want the story to go, who the people are, their motivations. I’ve written, re-written, and re-re-written the opening to this new WIP and I think I’ve settled on the latest. Third time’s the charm, right? Now, writing to the points I came up with, that’s where it gets a bit tricky. As always, it’s slow going. But they say, slow and steady wins the race. I say, a single word is progress. Right?

I’ve signed up for NANOWRIMO for the 3rd year in a row. The first year, I thought I could do it. Then I stared and stared at the blank page, and the numbers not growing. It stopped up my creative pipe. Not really my cup of tea. So I failed that year. The 2nd year, I thought, ok…let’s try it again and don’t focus on the words. Just write. Still didn’t win. I came to the conclusion that counting was not for me, even wrote a blog post about it.

So now on the 3rd year, I’ve signed up and don’t expect to “win” according to NANO standards. I’ve decided that if I make progress, I’ve won already. I’m on my way to “winning.”

Here’s my November #WriteMotivation goals:

1) BE POSITIVE! My biggest struggle lately. Seems those positives are getting smaller and hard to find. I am always here for you guys if ever you need to vent. I need to learn to reach out. (Any suggestions for helping me stop thinking I’m burdening people, yet I never think you’re burdening me?) Doing the best I can lately.
2) Work on new shiny WIP for NANO. Even if I never count words, and I don’t make the 50,000, if I make progress, that counts. Making progress! YAY! I even am operating in Scrivener!
3) Cheer on everyone else! Failing, sorry. The above post explains my absence. I’m sorry.
4) Read a book. I finished Ender’s Game at the early part of the month and now started Speaker for the Dead. Hopefully I can finish before the end of the month; but my Use Or Lose PTO is going to start soon. I always want to do so much, but it always slips me by.

LadyJai

PS: pushing the “publish” button is so hard…

7 Comments

  1. Comment by Prudence MacLeod:

    Hey Lady, you’re here if we need to talk? Honey, we’re here if you need to talk. I am no farther away than my e-mail so if I don’t show up here, drop me a line and we’ll talk. Remember, problems shared are problems halved.
    Hugs
    Pru

  2. Comment by Leigh Caroline:

    *loves* As I’ve told Owen for years, it’s not about hitting 50k. You can copy/paste LOL 50,000 times and end up at 50k, and nothing to show for it. It’s about finding other writers and knowing you’re not alone in this insanity of wanting to tell stories. Half the battle in writing is learning to believe you can do it. Seriously, EVERY writer I know, be they published or not, struggles with this. It’s what pushes them to become better writers. I look at Nano at this point as a kick in the pants, like someone saying “Hey, there’s this pool, let’s all jump in and have a party”. I was going to go swimming anyway, I might as well make friends while doing it. 😉

  3. Comment by Valerie Lawson:

    i don’t think any of us in our #writemotivation group would ever think of you as burdening us. you’ve been there for many of us, so let us return the favor. please reach out if you need to vent. one of us will be glad to listen.

  4. Comment by Heather Jacobs:

    I just want to tell you that I absolutely adore you. You are one of the strongest people I know. *hugs* Your positivity keeps me going.

  5. Comment by Rebekah Loper:

    *hugs* Life has decided to kick me in the (emotional) gut over and over again this past week, and I was actually just thinking this morning about how I have a very hard time opening up to people, too.

    Though I think my case it stems from either opening up to people and, in turn, being told to ‘buck up and deal with it’ instead of offered any actual HELP, and also because there’s a little voice in the back of my head that sounds a lot like my mother going “You told who WHAT?” (Hah, probably because my mother has actually said that to me many times…)

    And then I wonder how long I’m going to keep making decisions based on what’s best for my mom and siblings instead of what’s best for me and Brandon.

    I can’t put a lot of it on my blog, sadly, because my mom occasionally reads it, and it frustrates me because I think some of what I have to say would help other people going through similar things, but my entire family – including myself – has built walls up so high it’s hard to see the sky anymore.

    All of that to say, I’ve been struggling with the writing too, and I think part of it is that while I am enjoying this story, I’m just not excited about it, and the other part is the emotional ups and downs lately. It’s hard to find the energy to write.

    But I’m staying on track, for the most part. I may not get much beyond 50k for the month, but I will get 50k, come hell or high water.

    Let’s just both survive November and be victorious over SOMETHING, ok? *hugs*

  6. Comment by Patricia Lynne:

    You sound a lot like me in this post. I hate it when hubby’s upset and I can’t fix the problem, and I don’t like telling other people my problems. It’s kind of nice to know I’m not the only one out there with these issues. I guess we’re not completely mental.

    • Comment by LadyJai:

      I’m finding a few people who feel the exact same way. It makes me feel less alone, but somehow it hasn’t really helped me with getting through my issues. 🙂 Still trying to find a way…but know this, I’m here if you need to talk! <3

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