Week 2 May #WriteMotivation Update

I am the only one thinking in my mind… I must STOP the negative voices But sometimes, it’s just so very hard.

So, here we are, already in the second week of May. Where does this time go? Seriously?!

Last week was an incredibly difficult week for me. You would *NOT* have liked being inside my head last week. I kept reading, and staring, and reading that page in my little book. I kept writing, venting, praying, and pleading. But still nothing worked to get those negative voices to SHUT IT!

See that picture? It’s so true. YOU are the ONLY one in your world that has any power or authority. No one else can tell you how to think. Yes, sure, they will offer their prayers, they will offer suggestions, they will offer their love…but when you’ve fallen into that dark abyss, it really is very difficult to find the light again.

I honestly don’t know what changed inside me. I mean, all week it just got worse and worse. I had two job rejections. Usually it’s no bust. But starting on the downward spiral, well, it seemed so horrible. And I just couldn’t dig myself back to the surface. And, yesterday, well, I did a complete 180. I still don’t know why. Hormones? Chemical imbalance in the brain? I don’t know. All I know is that I totally despise the negative and how it makes me feel. What’s bad, it seems as though I’m starting to have more negative than positive in my brain. I want to fix it. But, I’m lost on that front too.

May’s Goals

1) Be Positive, Try to find the positive in every situation, no matter how small. This may be easy, or it may be the hardest thing to ever do. Last week was a failure, for me at least. I still tried to cheer everyone else on. This week, I’m hoping to do better.
2) Cheer others on with #writemotivation cookie flinging and positive thoughts! Did that the best I could with how down I was.
3) attempt to FINISH THAT WIP! I didn’t touch this all week. The only writing I got done was my venting/journaling. I did manage to start a poem as therapy. Poetry has always been my go-to venting therapy session. I don’t do poetry well. And it’s always free verse. I follow no rules. Not sure any would be publish-worthy anyway.
4) find something to blog about ;P Well, I thought about writing another blog post last week. Does that count? I couldn’t even get up enough energy to write it last week. Maybe I’ll write it this week, and spin it with more positive than it originally had.
5) attempt to read another book At least I can do this. I’m almost done with The Last Olympian. And then, I can start on other’s that have sent me their books. I have so many I need to read. I’m so behind, and such a slow reader. Sometimes I wish I could read faster. I did try once. Got the final Harry Potter book on opening night. Cracked it open and finished it Sunday night. I honestly did not feel satisfied. And after a few months went by, I couldn’t even tell you what it was about. Details. Nope. Gone. It was like cramming for finals in college all over again. Once I was done with the test, all the info fell out of my head. So, I had to re-read it again. I can go back and re-read books I’ve read 3-5 times before (or even watched a movie) and always be amazed, which makes me feel kind of stupid when others tell me that they can remember every detail after just one reading/viewing. Oh well, it’s just how I am. 🙂

So, this week, I hope to be more positive, climb out of that dark hole I put myself in last week, and get on with it. I want to write. In fact I’ve been considering writing shorts again, just to add to my creative writing. For all intents and purposes, my WIP is “done” even though the ending isn’t quite where it needs to be, or even written completely out. It’s just summarized. But it may just be that I don’t need to write that far…I don’t know. I’m not in a place I can say it’s done, or it’s not. It just is…but I still want to write. 🙂 To be honest, though, I still haven’t overcome my fear of the novel yet, either.

So, shorts were where I started, maybe I just need to take a break and go back to my roots again.