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#WriteMotivation Update

Writer's FrustrationI really don’t want to post this today. I’ve written these words, deleted these words, and rewrote most of them…several times. It’s so full of negativity and I’m sorry.

July Goals:

1) Complete the necessary blog posts for #WriteMotivation, maybe throw in a few “others” as well. — Currently On Task
2)Word count goal, not really…Every day is different in my life. So let’s just leave it at “make forward momentum!” Progress is always good! — On 1 July, I had 31,895 written on my WIP#1. Today, 9 days later, I have 33,332. I’ve progressed, so that’s something. But, I look at that and feel inadequate. I feel the words I am writing are crap. And this whole idea of me writing a novel is just stupid. I hate when I feel this way, when I want to just give up. Being positive is so hard. And somedays it’s just harder.  Today is one of those days. I guess it’s because I am struggling with the middle. I haven’t found MY way to outline. I know what I want to have happen. But making it so, and making it make sense, just isn’t working at the moment. I’ve forced myself to continue, though. I’ve written about 50 words today. I’m plugging away, even though I don’t think it’s worth it. Eventually, I guess it will work out in the end. I’m just not in a happy place at the moment and maybe that’s what’s damming up the flow of words. Maybe, I need to work on that new short story that came to me when I received some bad news about a dear gamer friend. But even that seems unbearable at the moment. 
3) Provide unending support, cheering, and cookie flinging, to anyone who needs it. — I don’t think I’m doing enough. Everyone seems to be on later at night, writing. But I work during the morning and days. So I miss a lot of the tweets that happen when I sleep. Or, maybe it’s because I’m not doing enough in my writing life to feel worthy of contributing to everyone else’s success. I’m sorry. 
4)Line edits/critique for B’s 2nd book. YAY! Currently half way through! I’m harsh on myself. I feel like I am such a slow reader. But my life is full with a lot of things. I’m getting through, though. And that’s all that matters.
5) Read another book for pleasure. — Currently 1/3 the way through The Crucible of Gold. Because the writing is proper English for the time, I find these books by Naomi Novik to be a challenge. It reminds me of trying to read Shakespeare in college. I always had such a hard time with them. Taking a double load of English classes while trying to read Shakespeare was not a good idea. It took 4 hours to read one play and I had 3 other papers to write. So I ended up buying the cliff notes. While I struggle with the challenge of reading The Temerraire Series, I do enjoy it immensely! 🙂

CAN I SCREAM NOW?

I hate being so negative.

STOP IT! *thwaps self on head*

still isn’t working, dammit! 

What do you do to get out of a slump like this??

LadyJai

17 Comments

  1. Ping from Halfway Through #WriteMotivation Goal Check Month « WriteBackwards:

    […] So, last week you saw me falter. While I loved all your comments, and they lifted my spirits tremendously(even though they left me in tears, cuz I’m just a big ol’ cry baby! I can’t help it, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Always have. But, I’ve learned that it’s ok! hehe), my week did not get any better. […]

  2. Comment by Kat:

    I just wanted to come by and say thank you for the lovely encouragement on the blog! It seems you also didn’t have the best of weeks. But you really shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, in my eyes you have been doing great with your goals! Especially the not encouraging enough is absolutely not true. You are one of the main people I see on Twitter cheering others on! I for one love the chocolate dipped pompoms I have gotten 😉

  3. Comment by LadyJai:

    You guys are so awesome! Thank you so much. The day job has got me so riled up all this week and then the struggles I had this past weekend with the novel, well, I think it boiled over. I’m on the downside of this now…I hope. I’ve started a new short story to (hopefully) honor the friend and his struggle with cancer….it may take me a long time but I want to do this story. I think it will be a short story. I don’t know yet. Still fleshing it out. I’ve also managed to edit (in between the fires I’ve been putting out at work) a short story I want to submit to see if I can actually achieve a pro-pay 🙂 We’ll see.

    But thank you all for your beautiful words. They made me cry…in a good way! I love you all!

  4. Comment by Angela Brown:

    I wish I could say that telling you we’ve all been where you are would help. But it’s YOU in this moment right now and it sucks. I think that’s the best thing I try to do. I acknowledge the emotions through venting or maybe journaling it out then taking a very long, very deep breath many times.
    Yeah, you can see I can be a bit emotional.
    But getting it out seems to free up space for something else, and that something else tends to be something positive since I’ve acknowledged the bother and moved on to finding a solution.
    Many hugs to you as you work through this. All of us, your bloggy buds are here. Just do your best and you’ll end up surprising the heck out of yourself 🙂

  5. Comment by Beth Sorensen:

    I’ve learned the hard way that the quickest way to slow your word count down is to beat ourself up about it. Just let the writing flow my friend. As Scarlet said, “Tomorrow is another day.”

  6. Comment by thebnc:

    Scream all you want, if it makes you feel better. Sometimes we just need to get that out.

    I don’t think there’s much I can say that hasn’t been said (quite eloquently) already. You do a phenomenal job as a #writemotivation cheerleader. Any word you write, even one, even if they’re terrible, is progress. I second the suggestion to go take a bath. (Or a shower. For some reason, the act of shampooing my hair is the one that untangles all the thorny plot problems.)

    (Also, Leigh Caroline: I love the term “Middle Morass.” My college professor called it The Great Swampy Middle.)

    And for my two cents on writing struggles/writer’s block: I’ve noticed it tends to be two things that get me stuck: 1) the goal I have for a scene is weak and needs to be altered to something with higher stakes and a better connection to the main plot, and 2) I’ve started the scene too early (e.g., waking up in the morning and taking them through the entire day when the salient conflict happens that evening).

    I’m not sure if that’s your situation, but it may be something to look at. In a few instances, I’ve found that by rethinking one goal, I untangle others that were giving me trouble. As always, your mileage may vary.

    *internet hugs* You’re awesome. Never doubt it.

  7. Comment by Michael Haynes:

    I think nearly every writer goes through these “down” times where it’s easy to let the negativity in. The best thing I can say is to take it all a little bit at a time and remember that it’s not a race. And undoubtedly some day soon there will be a day when you’re feeling completely on top of it all and will wonder why you ever felt so down before!

    Good luck with getting through the down time and good luck with the up times to come!

  8. Comment by valerierlawson:

    yes, you can scream, now. we all have these same feelings, as you can see. that face looks so familiar, too. although, i must admit, it’s harder to see on you than when i’m doing it.

    “i am the best writer in the world!’ and, “i totally suck!” are part of our makeup. i think if you don’t have it in you, you can’t join the club. i think everyone had some great ideas for helping to get past the dreaded negative slump. something else you may try when a particular scene seems to be fighting you is to move past it. start writing the next scene. go to the next scene that you have planned in your head and start writing that one instead. then come back to the nasty beast of a scene and try it again later. sometimes you figure out the problem with the first one while working on the other scene. if nothing else, it gets your brain unstuck and moves you forward. *big hugs* i’ll try to stop by the hashtag more often in the morning for cheering and conversation. hang in there!

  9. Comment by Cheyenne Campbell:

    <<<>>>

    I know how you feel. I think any fellow writer does… But as a wise woman informed me, one word IS indeed progression 🙂 I think it sounds like you’re ahead on your goals. There’s no rule that says progression is going to make us feel good. Sometimes it’s painful just trying to squeeze out a sentence. But life is full of “stuff” and the fact that you’re rolling along with your goals in the midst of it all shows your persistance and dedication.

    I agree with Tam. When I go for a run, music cranked in my headphones, that’s when the ideas start to flow and when I’m back at the desk, the words are jumping over each other to get out. Just realise that being hard on yourself is completely unnecessary! You rock TOO HARD for that 🙂

  10. Comment by MAJK (@Safireblade):

    ok first of all Dobby (yes, I called you that – he was an amazing hero who for a long time didn’t know his own worth- sound familiar?) – stopping thwapping yourself on the head. Seriously, I will grab your hands if you don’t (I’m bossy like that) – OK now. I’m not going to tell you the same thing everyone else has said because they said it very well. I’m going to said take a bath.

    Yes, Really. A bath.

    Really, kick everyone (even the cat/dog) out of the house for 2 hours. Go grab your favorite bath scent stuff or if you just need to breath and don’t have an aversion to mint throw about 10 drops of spearmint or peppermint oil in the tub.

    if you like music turn some on – soft and relaxing preferably no words

    now soak until the waters cool then pull the plug let all the negativity that soaked off you drain away. Go take a quick shower if you like and then re read your goals. See the progress. It’s there.

    You are doing better than you thought. You are better than you think and you will overcome this because you won’t quit.

    Everything you need to do this is inside you – hang in there – re read the comments section here a couple of times if you need to. See the people who believe in you and lean on that until you too believe in you.

    HUGS

    *~MAJK~*

  11. Comment by Leigh Caroline:

    *hugs* I understand. The best advice I have, is listen to KT. Seriously, you are a good writer. You’re in what I always joke is the Middle Morass. I still find myself stuck in it sometimes, where you have all the pieces of the story, and you know what you want to happen, but it’s getting all the pieces to line up into a road that’s hard. It’s like doing those pipe puzzle games. You have to sometimes turn things around, flip them upside down, until you can find the right path. What I usually do is make a list of what’s going on where I’m feeling crappy about it, and what lead up to that point, then where I want to go with it next. Usually, that lets me see if either I’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere, gone on a tangent (which, I still do sometimes even with outlines), or if maybe there’s a piece missing that I need to put in.

    And sometimes? When life hits the proverbial fan, the best thing to do is step back, take a deep breath, scream, have some chocolate, and then attack it when things settle a bit.

    Besides, I think you’re doing a wonderful job, both on writing and on cheering. Beating yourself up won’t get you anywhere. *hugs* Accept that you’re learning, and that takes time. If writing a great novel were easy, everyone would do it. Just realize, it is worth it, in the end.

  12. Comment by M. Andrew Patterson (@DyadicEchoes):

    {{HUGS}} *gives chocolate* I hear you. “The Slump of Doom” is a hard one to get past. One of the things I remind myself is, I’m doing the best I can at the moment. I’ve had better days and I’ve had worse days. A really awesome person has told me on numerous occasions *cough…you…cough* that any progress is progress. You ARE moving forward. It might hard right now, but you are moving forward. And you have been cheering us all on. We all live in different timezones, we don’t always connect in the moment and that’s ok. Just saying “good job, you can do it” to one person is all anybody asks.

    You’ve been so supportive of me and you are one of the people, that has really helped me.

    Just remember. “Embrace the Suck. Live it. Love it.”

    You’ll get past this and you’ll feel so much better. We’re all a bunch of bipolar, psychotic, OCD, freaks.

    And if this doesn’t help, I have a semi-trailer full of demonic zombie dinosaur cheerleaders, a couple gallons of gas, and a match…all for you. We can then toast marshmallows over the inferno and make s’mores. 😀

  13. Comment by Catherine Johnson:

    Awh Jaime, sounds like you need a summer haitus special. Things will be back to normal in September. You have to do what you can and don’t worry about the rest.

  14. Comment by Tam Linsey:

    Oh, dear – sounds like the writer downswing. You know, the one where everything we write is crap. It’s just as bad as the one where everything we write is genius. We all go through it. Keep writing. The pendulum won’t stay here. I promise.
    Sometimes I find getting away helps – tell myself you CAN’T think of writing and go do something physical. Then I start itching to get back.

  15. Comment by Viklit:

    I think you are being too hard on yourself, as you say life is full with lots of things and you are moving forward. That’s all that you can ask of yourself. I am sure your words are not as bad as you think, we all are our own harshest critics I think. I am sorry you aren’t in a happy place, and have had bad news about a dear friend. Don’t beat yourself up if you need time to process, to sort out those emotions; sometimes we all do.

    Hugs.

  16. Comment by K.T. Hanna:

    *loves you* Negativity is part and parcel of being a writer. The fact that you told it to go take a hike long enough to write this, speaks volumes <3 You, my dear, are a wonderful person – with GREAT potential in all of your writing.

    I love the tidbits I read, and the shorts I've crit. I love the ideas that come out of your mind. Seriously – pushing through the crap days is the best thing you can do. Push through those to get to the good – because once everything comes together – when the draft is complete, when the 2nd draft is done, when you've ripped it apart and given it new drywall – it'll all be worth it.

    And I know you can do it <3

    Chin up.

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