Week 3 May #WriteMotivation Update

May’s GoalsMy Golden Rule On Writing First Drafts

1) Be Positive, Try to find the positive in every situation, no matter how small. This may be easy, or it may be the hardest thing to ever do. I think I’ve managed to do advance on this front.

2) Cheer others on with #writemotivation cookie flinging and positive thoughts! Did that the best I could I even created the GooglePlus Community for us. If you haven’t joined, check us out!

3) attempt to FINISH THAT WIP! Still ain’t happening. Not sure why.
But I did manage to edit AND submit a short story. I haven’t done that in over a year. So, *fingers crossed*

4) find something to blog about Haven’t got a clue for this week. It’s been so freaking busy!

5) attempt to read another book At least I can do this. I finished The Last Olympian and now have started reading another book. I’m also CP-ing for one of our lovelies!

 

 

So, now, I would like to ask you all about an idea I had. I don’t know why I haven’t come up with it before, but here it is! :)
How many of you would like to participate in a Virtual #WriteMotivation Meetup? When would you be available? And How many are on GooglePlus? G+ allows up to 9 participants in their Hangouts, and it’s FREE. So, I was thinking we could all organize something…and maybe I can bake COOKIES! :)

Nothing’s set in stone. In fact, you all can commence discussion, then I could set up a voting poll or something and we can all vote on a date/time/location. Let me know in the comments! Won’t this be grand?

LadyJai

Shattered Dreams? Pieces of Hope And Inspiration

Have you ever had your dreams shatter into a million pieces? I’ve had that happen so many times. And last week was no different from any other time. I had several dreams feel like they shattered into a million tiny pieces, like a broken mirror that you can never repair again. I never set out to be so down. In fact, I really do not like it. But the longer I was awake last week, the longer I got to think. I was in a spiraling dark abyss by the end of the week and I couldn’t see any way out.

I did my darnedest to see, even just a glimmer, of light. But sometimes it’s so bleak and you can’t. That’s where I was last week. I guess we all have our ups and downs. I feel that I’m starting to have more downs than ups, and I really need to kick that bad habit! I like smiling. I like seeing others smile. I like being the cause of that smile too. But when you live with chronic pain, chronic migraines, depression, and everything that goes along it for so long, sometimes the light goes dark and you start to lose your way.
I was blessed by my good friend M. Andrew Patterson for one #ThursdaysChildren blog post. If you’ve not heard about this weekly blog hop, I’d like to direct your attention to Rhiann Wynn-Nolet, the brain child of the hop.
So for today’s post about what inspires me: I would have to say I’ve found inspiration through negativity. Imagine that. I’ve managed to write my way out of that deep, dark, abyss that I thought I couldn’t pull myself out of. Even though my novel is a little bit on hold, I think keeping up with writing…anything…has managed to allow me to vent. I resorted to the age-old, time-tested, emotional pour of poetry. I may not be any good, but I offer you this. The first part was written last week. I managed to pull from it, and give it a more positive ending…at least I hope I have. Let me know what you think.
Pieces

As the day swells on
waves of thunder and pain
roll through my heart
dragging me under
the riptide of darkness.
Dreams shatter
Millions of pieces
of hope
gone

Voices rage in my head
my heart
neither play nice
with the other
bicker and banter
yelling
screaming
tearing at the walls
punching and lashing
spitting

No longer can I see
those millions of pieces
lying at my feet
swallowed in the abyss
of blackened fear
loneliness
doubt

The murky waves
crash around my feet
beckoning me to join
its loving warmth
Its putrid promises
linger
tempt

Somewhere in the tunnel
where pitch meets black
a glimmer dances
on ebony tears
twirling closer
tugging
grasping

As the day dies
Bleak lies beside me
on the shimmering shore
we bathe in the obsidian glow
of shattered dreams
Millions of pieces
of hope
stir

LadyJai

 

If you want to visit more #ThursdaysChildren blogs, I’ve included their links:

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Week 2 May #WriteMotivation Update

I am the only one thinking in my mind... I must STOP the negative voices But sometimes, it's just so very hard.

I am the only one thinking in my mind… I must STOP the negative voices But sometimes, it’s just so very hard.

So, here we are, already in the second week of May. Where does this time go? Seriously?!

Last week was an incredibly difficult week for me. You would *NOT* have liked being inside my head last week. I kept reading, and staring, and reading that page in my little book. I kept writing, venting, praying, and pleading. But still nothing worked to get those negative voices to SHUT IT!

See that picture? It’s so true. YOU are the ONLY one in your world that has any power or authority. No one else can tell you how to think. Yes, sure, they will offer their prayers, they will offer suggestions, they will offer their love…but when you’ve fallen into that dark abyss, it really is very difficult to find the light again.

I honestly don’t know what changed inside me. I mean, all week it just got worse and worse. I had two job rejections. Usually it’s no bust. But starting on the downward spiral, well, it seemed so horrible. And I just couldn’t dig myself back to the surface. And, yesterday, well, I did a complete 180. I still don’t know why. Hormones? Chemical imbalance in the brain? I don’t know. All I know is that I totally despise the negative and how it makes me feel. What’s bad, it seems as though I’m starting to have more negative than positive in my brain. I want to fix it. But, I’m lost on that front too.

 

 

May’s GoalsMy Golden Rule On Writing First Drafts

1) Be Positive, Try to find the positive in every situation, no matter how small. This may be easy, or it may be the hardest thing to ever do. Last week was a failure, for me at least. I still tried to cheer everyone else on. This week, I’m hoping to do better.
2) Cheer others on with #writemotivation cookie flinging and positive thoughts! Did that the best I could with how down I was.
3) attempt to FINISH THAT WIP! I didn’t touch this all week. The only writing I got done was my venting/journaling. I did manage to start a poem as therapy. Poetry has always been my go-to venting therapy session. I don’t do poetry well. And it’s always free verse. I follow no rules. Not sure any would be publish-worthy anyway.
4) find something to blog about ;P Well, I thought about writing another blog post last week. Does that count? I couldn’t even get up enough energy to write it last week. Maybe I’ll write it this week, and spin it with more positive than it originally had.
5) attempt to read another book At least I can do this. I’m almost done with The Last Olympian. And then, I can start on other’s that have sent me their books. I have so many I need to read. I’m so behind, and such a slow reader. Sometimes I wish I could read faster. I did try once. Got the final Harry Potter book on opening night. Cracked it open and finished it Sunday night. I honestly did not feel satisfied. And after a few months went by, I couldn’t even tell you what it was about. Details. Nope. Gone. It was like cramming for finals in college all over again. Once I was done with the test, all the info fell out of my head. So, I had to re-read it again. I can go back and re-read books I’ve read 3-5 times before (or even watched a movie) and always be amazed, which makes me feel kind of stupid when others tell me that they can remember every detail after just one reading/viewing. Oh well, it’s just how I am. :)

So, this week, I hope to be more positive, climb out of that dark hole I put myself in last week, and get on with it. I want to write. In fact I’ve been considering writing shorts again, just to add to my creative writing. For all intents and purposes, my WIP is “done” even though the ending isn’t quite where it needs to be, or even written completely out. It’s just summarized. But it may just be that I don’t need to write that far…I don’t know. I’m not in a place I can say it’s done, or it’s not. It just is…but I still want to write. :) To be honest, though, I still haven’t overcome my fear of the novel yet, either.

So, shorts were where I started, maybe I just need to take a break and go back to my roots again.

LadyJai

 

Week 1 May #WriteMotivation Update

Last month I participated in the A to Z Blog Challenge. I posted every day in the month of April, except on Sundays. It all feels so empty now. I’m lost on what to post anymore. At least this is a #WriteMotivation Goal Check month. I have that at least.

This was by far my absolute favorite for the month, both the picture and the phrase.

Find the positive, in any situation, no matter how small.

I found this Viola amongst the dormant grass. But she was in full bloom! There’s always positive in every situation, beauty in the muck. Don’t turn a blind eye to it. I know it’s easy. I’ve done it myself. But when you do, you end up quitting, and falling into the easy thing called negativity. Misery (and negativity) love company and it will drag you down into a deep, dark abyss if you let it. See that flower? She’s forced her way up, out of that darkness. You and I can do it, too! If you don’t, you’re not really living! You’re just existing.

This is how I want to live. This is what I want to share with others who struggle in their own abyss to find their own positives. Even though the world looks bleak, right in front of you there’s a tiny piece of life fighting to be noticed. It’s your job to find it. And when you do, the rewards are amazing! You can’t run before you know how to crawl. So when life looks to be overwhelming, look for the tiniest piece of hope. It’s always there. I promise!

This is what I want to try to show you all for this month’s #WriteMotivation. If you have anything that you just can’t see passed, that is overwhelming and drowning you in a sea of darkness, let me be your light at the end of the tunnel. And, if I falter, please remind me and point me to this picture. :)

May’s GoalsMy Golden Rule On Writing First Drafts

1) Be Positive, Try to find the positive in every situation, no matter how small. This may be easy, or it may be the hardest thing to ever do.
2) Cheer others on with #writemotivation cookie flinging and positive thoughts!
3) attempt to FINISH THAT WIP!
4) find something to blog about ;P
5) attempt to read another book

Being positive is ALWAYS my goal. I think, so far this last 5 days, I’ve been holding at around a 7. Honestly, I don’t know what a 10 would feel like but I bet it would be heaven. And a 7, to me, is really, REALLY good since the last year has been a hovering around a 3.

Cheering on others is relatively easy lately. With my positive outlook comes cheering. It’s those times I fall at, or below, a 5 that I tend to struggle with the cheering. It’s when I need the most cheering myself. And I feel like I’m being selfish to ask.

I’ve been plugging away at the WIP. If you’ll notice, I’m sitting around 94% of my projected word goal. I have a summary written of the final scene/chapter. But that’s about it. I’ve worked on the previous scene that was giving me fits and I’ve managed to work it out, make it a little better. I’ve sent it to a couple of people and am hoping that when they get to that “end” they can help me brainstorm it out so I can get the words flowing again. I’ve been participating in a daily “free writing” exercise over on 750words.com . I’ve never been successful at free writing. But I’ve been trying to keep some type of writing up, even if it’s just journaling my private thoughts about…well, everything/anything. Maybe it will kick my butt into gear and get my brain working on my WIP again. :P

After last month’s A to Z Challenge, I’ve slowed down on my blogging. I really haven’t thought of a theme, or any posts I can write just yet. However, I did manage a post last week about the Liebster Award. That was fun. And, I’ve managed to post today’s Goal Check Update. I don’t want to just post updates this month. I want to talk about…something! So far so good. Let’s hope I can keep it up. :)

And “attempt to read a book”, well, I’m attempting (I know, technicality) :P I haven’t actually read another book just yet, but I have started, although it goes so slowly sometimes. Most days I miss reading, even just a chapter.  But at least I can say this is successful because I attempted to. LOL

LadyJai

A Liebster Award, Gratitude, And A little More About Me

I want to thank Ida Chiavaro for nominating me to receive this award. Though I don’t usually tag others to receive, I offer it up to any one of my friends and followers. It’s always nice to know more about those you only met online.

I also want to thank Ida for the definition. I’ve seen this award several times, and although I know it’s a German word, that was the extent of my knowledge. But now I know that it means lovely or favorite. I am honored Ida bestowed that award on me! And what a wonderful post she chose to do it in. For her A to Z Challenge, R was for Receive. I love how she describes receive –

“receive always made me feel I just had to stand still and accept what was being given to me, let them be generous, kind, caring –  it is not a commitment or an obligation to give something in return, whether it’s unexpected or sought after you are being honoured and your efforts rewarded, just accept it with gratitude and without fuss.”

This has always been such a hard thing for me to do — accept without feeling obligated — yet I am willing to give everything about me and never expect anything in return. At the same time I received this award, I was also blessed to be a Thursday’s Child. My friend M. Andrew Paterson wrote about me for his “Inspired by” Thursday post.

It’s times like this that really make me feel like I mean something to someone. And I want to share with you my gratitude.

So, without further adieu… I will answer the 15 Questions Ida gave to me. If you want to find out more random facts about me, check out my other awards.

1) What is the nicest thing anyone ever said to you? “I love you” and “You matter”. Most times, I don’t really know I matter to much of anyone, despite my deep desire to make a difference for everyone in my life (RL or virtual) and then there are things like what Andrew posted, my son saying he enjoyed the little walk we took around the lake, my husband smiling (even if it’s brief), that really make my heart happy.

2) Something your parents taught you? Dad: The value of hard work and saving money. Wish he had taught me more, like how to invest in my future! I don’t get all that financial investment stuff. Mom: To eat 3 meals a day and not worry about things you cannot control. I wish my mom had taught me to cook!

3) Have you  ever dreamed of celebrities or famous people? Not that I remember.

4) Do you have any quirks, rituals or superstitions? Toilet paper has to go on a certain way. The dishwasher has to be loaded a certain way. Certain tasks I like done a certain way and it gets me all anxious when it’s not done *MY* way. As for anything else, I really can’t think of anything off the top of my head.

5)  What’s the most amazing thing you have seen in the sky? SR-71 landing at Langley AFB. My absolute favorite aircraft…next to the space shuttle, which I’ve also seen in the sky several times. But, alas, no more since Obama canceled our Shuttle program. Sad. Natural things: a Full Lunar Eclipse. A Full Solar eclipse..the best one was on top of The Zugspitz. The middle of summer and for 15 minutes, it snowed! Brilliant! Oh, and I’ve also seen several Meteor showers. When it’s clear enough, I make sure to wake my son and take him outside so he can see them too. Bucket list: Northern Lights.

6) What’s the craziest thing you have done with your hair?  After donating my hair to the Locks of Love, I got a hair up my patooty and decided to go shorter than it was. BAD MOVE! I used to wear my hair like this when I was in my teens. I also wanted my hair all one color. It naturally have blond, red, brown, and black in it. And I am so sick of people telling me I need to bleach my hair because my roots are showing. If anyone knows me, they know everything about me is all natural. But it’s very frustrating to have this happen ALL.THE.TIME. I never went black before. So, I figured, why not. NEVER. EVER. EVER. Again. I keep this picture to remind me never to do it. EVER. AGAIN! (When I was a teen, I wanted to see what I’d look like with strawberry blond hair. Since my hair was already mostly blond, the blond parts came out ORANGE! UGH! Never again with that either!)

I hate this picture of me. I love the look on my son’s face! :D

7) Have you ever seen a baby being born? Well, I was present when my son was born. But I was a little too preoccupied to “watch”. :P

8) Have you ever been with someone when they died? Does a cat count? I was there when my MikeyKat crossed the Rainbow Bridge. It still hurts my heart today. And I’m really afraid of being present when a human dies, especially someone close to me. It would just stab my heart to pieces.

9) Have you ever had a strange experience that you just can’t explain? I’ve always been fascinated with ghostly haunts and such. When I lived in England, you’d have thought I’d had experienced *something* but no. It wasn’t until we moved to Florida. The house we rented had strange things happen. I didn’t see many of them, but my husband was home more than I was and he got to experience many more episodes than I. Our son was around 3 or 4 when he kept telling us he saw green stuff floating down from the ceiling above his crib. I saw a young girl, maybe 7 or so, dressed in a frilly night gown walk from my son’s bedroom door and disappear in the kitchen. Toys would be played with in the middle of the night (but I think that had to do with dying batteries). And then, one night we were home alone, and our son saw a man in a red cap. After rationalizing it, we think this was my Uncle who had passed a few years before come to “meet” the new addition to the family, since he died on his way to a hunting trip, and he always wore a red hunting cap.

10) Are you an excellent speller, bad speller, or thought you were good but use spell check a lot? I think I spell ok. But there are always words that trip me up in their proper use. But then there are days when my brain doesn’t work and D-O-G looks wrong. :P Those red squiggly lines really irk me and I *HAVE* to fix my mistakes before I can go on with whatever I’m typing.

11) Do you have/have had any pet(‘s), pick a favourite. I grew up with dogs. But, I’m not a dog person anymore. They require more work than a baby. I currently have 3 Scottish Fold kitties (two are oxymorons, since they have straight ears) Previously, I had 2 cats that traveled the world with us. MikeyKat will always be my favorite.

12) where’s 12? I’m missing a 12, here!

13) What was the last thing you said out loud? something that would warrant my mother washing my mouth out with soap.

14) Where are you sitting while writing this? at my desk, in my cube, at the day job.

15) What does your name/names mean? Jamie is a form of James (which means Supplanter, a usurper: one who wrongfully or illegally seizes and holds the place of another). WOW. Such joy that is! :/ Funny, though, James has a long history in the genealogy of my maiden name.  Anyway…My whole life I’ve been mistaken for a male. I was bald until I was 2 and even when my mom and dad pierced my ears and dressed me in dresses, people would come up and say “awww what an adorable little boy.” It never stopped either. Growing up in England, where the spelling of my name was a boy’s name, people always assume. And people *STILL* assume that I’m male and address me as Mister, hence the reason I’ve adopted “LadyJai” as my name. There are a select few I allow, and enjoy having them call me, James or Jamison. <3 But not complete strangers. LOL

LadyJai

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